Question for a Shrink: Five Hints for Couples Counseling

COUPLES THERAPY IS FOR EVERYONE IN THE SUTHERLAND SHIRE

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As a culture, we seem to speak a great deal about how marriage is hard work. We shake our heads when people get divorced. If they’d gone to treatment, or only worked harder, perhaps they could’ve worked out it? In exactly the same time–maybe because we correlate couples treatment with crisis or divorce –there can even be a lot of stigma about going to treatment as a pair.

It is not a signal that you are going to get divorced, if you’re wed. In reality, the reverse may be true. She suggested that treatment is a good choice “any time you wish to discuss an issue together, at any given point in your relationship.” Particularly, “loaded problems,” says Cherkasskaya, may be a lot easier to discuss and research using an objective professional. Recall the ten issues in Meg’s book that she suggests discussing before getting married? (A refresher: the questions are below the general headers of beliefs, money, goals, family, place, sex, home responsibilities, fighting, skeletons in the closet, and ending of life.) Read: it is totally ok for just about any couple to go at any given time to couples therapy.

GREAT REASONS TO ATTEMPT THERAPY

Consider any of the following scenarios great times to start couples therapy:

  • You keep having the same fight over and over and it’s hard to understand why.
  • You feel like you can’t efficiently communicate with each other. No matter how you try to convey, what you each have to say is somehow not getting through.
    No matter what you wish to focus on, couples treatment is about learning the best way to communicate with each other in a secure, healthy way. How could you fight together efficiently? You are likely to fight.
  • You’ve probably read elsewhere that it is not that joyful, healthy couples do not fight–it’s how they fight. Maynigo points out, the emphasis in couples therapy is just not on stopping the fighting, but rather:

How are you able to figure out how to fight in a different way, and, significantly, repair the fight in a healthy way? A couples therapist works beside you to break patterns that are unhealthy, possibly even practicing healthier patterns in session, and capitalizes on your own strengths as a couple.

WHAT IF ONLY ONE OF US NEEDS TO STRIVE THERAPY?

Maybe your present fight is about whether to go to couples therapy. Maybe one of you has recently been to treatment and has had a negative encounter. Another partner does not need to go, although perhaps one of you has learned that couples treatment may be useful. Here’s a possible alternative: Discuss attending a preliminary consultation using a therapist (or more than one–see below), simply to learn about it. Consent to a test run, and observe the way that it goes.

Keep in mind that couples treatment is different from individual treatment. Going to therapy using a partner is significantly diffent from going. Plus, therapists in Indigenous Counselling Sutherland Shire change significantly in personality, age, style, and how those variables interact as a couple with you. The partner more interested in therapy can start individual therapy, which can be helpful with or without concurrent couples treatment if a first couples therapy consult still doesn’t seem like an option for you.

COUPLES THERAPY IS FOR EVERYONE IN THE SUTHERLAND SHIRE

As a culture, we seem to speak a great deal about how marriage is hard work. We shake our heads when people get divorced. If they’d gone to treatment, or only worked harder, perhaps they could’ve worked out it? In exactly the same time–maybe because we correlate couples treatment with crisis or divorce –there can even be a lot of stigma about going to treatment as a pair.

It is not a signal that you are going to get divorced, if you’re wed. In reality, the reverse may be true. She suggested that treatment is a good choice “any time you wish to discuss an issue together, at any given point in your relationship.” Particularly, “loaded problems,” says Cherkasskaya, may be a lot easier to discuss and research using an objective professional. Recall the ten issues in Meg’s book that she suggests discussing before getting married? (A refresher: the questions are below the general headers of beliefs, money, goals, family, place, sex, home responsibilities, fighting, skeletons in the closet, and ending of life.) Read: it is totally ok for just about any couple to go at any given time to couples therapy.

GREAT REASONS TO ATTEMPT THERAPY

Consider any of the following scenarios great times to start couples therapy:

  • You keep having the same fight over and over and it’s hard to understand why.
  • You feel like you can’t efficiently communicate with each other. No matter how you try to convey, what you each have to say is somehow not getting through.
    No matter what you wish to focus on, couples treatment is about learning the best way to communicate with each other in a secure, healthy way. How could you fight together efficiently? You are likely to fight.
  • You’ve probably read elsewhere that it is not that joyful, healthy couples do not fight–it’s how they fight. Maynigo points out, the emphasis in couples therapy is just not on stopping the fighting, but rather:

How are you able to figure out how to fight in a different way, and, significantly, repair the fight in a healthy way? A couples therapist works beside you to break patterns that are unhealthy, possibly even practicing healthier patterns in session, and capitalizes on your own strengths as a couple.

1. WHAT IF ONLY ONE OF US NEEDS TO STRIVE THERAPY? Maybe your present fight is about whether to go to couples therapy. Maybe one of you has recently been to treatment and has had a negative encounter. Another partner does not need to go, although perhaps one of you has learned that couples treatment may be useful. Here’s a possible alternative: Discuss attending a preliminary consultation using a therapist (or more than one–see below), simply to learn about it. Consent to a test run, and observe the way that it goes.

Keep in mind that couples treatment is different from individual treatment. Going to therapy using a partner is significantly diffent from going. Plus, therapists in Indigenous Counselling Sutherland Shire change significantly in personality, age, style, and how those variables interact as a couple with you. The partner more interested in therapy can start individual therapy, which can be helpful with or without concurrent couples treatment if a first couples therapy consult still doesn’t seem like an option for you.